I must not be actually human.

Therefore I must not have actual human emotions. Thus no human reaction to human interaction. So I'm not actually hurting because that would be a human thing to do. I'm reflecting on the hurt. Dissecting injuries. Unease gnawing at my stomach, it could be anything.

Natural Hair

So for a while I'd been toying with the thought of not using chemicals in my life. Toying isn't quite the right way of describing this. It's been mounting and hopefully the product of my thoughts will be a happy wholesome lifestyle.

For now I've stopped using shampoo and conditioner. Since I'd cut my hair about a month ago I decided to stick to a vinegar conditioner and a baking soda shampoo....it has been a struggle! From what I've read the first three weeks are the hardest. That being the time where your hair and scalp are rebelling from the loss of the shampoo's chemicals that strip it of  natural oils and the replacement chemicals of so called conditioner. It's ugly, unmanageable and gross...but I'm sticking!!

Today to combat the dry coarse texture as well as my poor itchy dry scalp, I mixed the juice from half a lemon and an egg...as I write I am sitting in a sunny nook waiting for the twenty minutes to pass till my hair is nourished again..I may follow this up with some honey..

some useful articles on the topic..

Eight Hair Care Treatments You Can Do At Home

An Experiment In Giving Up Shampoo

Some Support

The Result:

It feels terrible, I could not comb through hair with fingers when wet. There were pieces of lemon stuck to strands of hair. Now that it's mostly dry it feels conditioned and smells pleasant. I will follow up with honey and perhaps some olive oil until the moisture is balanced again.

Under the Moons of Mars

Is a novel comprised of a series of short stories by E.R. Burroughs. I focckin loved it! It has everything, a hero, a love story, fantastic and outlandish characters, vivid descriptions of battle. I love finishing a book that I regret to put down. Oddly enough I had no idea who this author was until my lover informed he's the guy that wrote Tarzan! 

Other than this it's been the same ole' shit. 

We've been trying to get out of the house more since the seasons are changing and the weather is better...than baby and momma went and got sick so our walks took a hiatus. The monotony of my life is slowly dawning on me though for the life of me I could not tell you where the time went or even what we've been up to for the past few days. 

Of food.......I cannot honestly say that I've been inspired or particularly hungry for anything........though we did make doughnuts a few days ago..

 Alton Brown's Recipe was perfect.

http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/yeast-doughnuts-recipe/index.html

Cant forget the glaze!! http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/alton-brown/doughnut-glaze-recipe/index.html

It was a fun project. 

Odd Warlock Out

I've been putting off writing due to a series of maladies that amount up to... Unhappiness, discontent, boredom, actually being sick. Ah, yes, and a sudden change of weather that was too good to miss. I have been cooking.......curries mostly. I miss summer. I miss being outdoors and walking and visiting and all the little sweet things that make summer...well, and the sun...I could go on.....about fresh fruit...and being tanned/er...but I won't. I have no lofty topic thats been weighing on my conscience. I haven't been discussing anything worthwhile.   Ugh, but I have been playing scrabble........and whooping ass.

I finished reading Odd Warlock Out, it took me awhile, mostly because of the thees, thou's and prithees. While the language was archaic the book was set in the future..an interesting sci-fi tale.

Valentine Pasta, love for sure.

 Pretty Simple too!
Ingredients:

Half Onion
Some Garlic
A Tomato
Can of Stewed Tomato
Some Red Pepper
Some Thyme
Some Baby Spinach
Ground Turkey
Package of Tri-colored Pasta (this was filled with cheese)
Olive Oil
Salt & Pepper to taste

 Chop all chop-able ingredients..I did not chop the spinach.

 Brown the turkey in olive oil and add garlic and onion.

 When meat is brown add regular tomato and red bell pepper, stir.

 (It starts to stick) add can of stewed tomato, salt, pepper and fresh thyme..or your favorite herb/s.

 It should have just enough liquid to cook the pasta perfectly, finally, stir in fresh baby spinach.

Reflection

While reading over my last post, I realized something was missing. The whole of what I'd been trying to convey! Being a Mother, doing the grunt work, literally and figuratively is important. Perhaps more so than any other part of human life. This is what we're made for. So yeah, if you're the nurturer you get shafted for a while..but when you stick it out, sacrifice your time and energy, and your very being, the result is paramount, a human being. Hopefully one to make you proud.

Winter Doldrums..

Is not the best title for this post. I am not depressed nor stagnant. It's weird, my life. I sink into bed exhausted every night. I feel like I've accomplished something.  Upon reflection I realize it's busy-work, small things to pass the time, my days are being wasted on trivial things like cleaning my house, cooking dinner, scheduling appointments, keeping track of bills, our money, and watering the plants.

It's troublesome for me to try and put these thoughts in writing, except that I feel very strongly about them. I will try, but the meaning/root/what of I'm trying to convey may be lost to my poor skills of self expression.

What I'm trying to say, is a common argument in any womens studies course or to anyone talking of equality of the sexes..something about the importance of  (I cannot find a word) someone to mind the children and keep house and someone working. While these roles are varied between sexes, relationships, family structures-the most common is woman as a nurturer and caregiver while the man is provider. Are these roles equal?!
-Yes-
Fock no!! The home caregiver has the shit end of the stick for a while. There are small rewards, like when baby starts smiling, crawling, speaking, walking...but to be so selfless. To be necessary. To be needed. To be fockkin busy. To have no self time. You're whole life is now devoted to another entity. You're someones bitch and you chose that role. --You could neglect everything else and devote life entirely to baby..but that becomes hard when the crawling begins and now everything goes in the mouth..so if it's on the ground it's fair game. The house has to be clean. So now theres that to do. But somehow you must also make time to feed yourself and keep yourself healthy, especially if your still breastfeeding, so you cook and exercise. And if you're really dedicated you also must cook for baby. Then there is the little everyday things, appointments, calling here and there because somebodies wallet is missing or you were overcharged for oil or any trivial grievance that is no longer trivial because you have to be aware of money. How much you have, how much is coming in, how much you can save so your child won't be bogged down with loans, for the future, for any unforeseen circumstance.

If lucky, you have an understanding partner (notice the word.) An equal, someone you can share the burden with. Someone who takes over when you're just about to keel over. Someone who discerns your role as equal but also as equally demanding or even more exacting than a days paid work.

The ideal, to me at least, was common at a different time, and more so in other countries. What I'm talking about is simple. "It takes a village to raise a child" is the proverb, but more directly I believe in whole families raising children. Grandparents stay at home with the kids. Both parents work. Everyone has a logical place. The children learn respect, manners, and dutifulness from the elders. They are needed to do things that the elders aren't spry enough to do anymore. I don't know about you, but to my knowledge even when a grandparent/elderly person isn't up and about (some are still kickin' for awhile) they love to sit in that one comfy place and give direction..or boss people about..as they should! They've lived a whole life and raised their children to adulthood.

This, in my opinion, would solve many issues that have arisen in the past few decades. Practically, think of the cost  for nursing home/hospice/assisted living. Add to that the cost of childcare. Most importantly, think of what our children are missing! The wealth of knowledge wasted!

Ah, but in this I am conflicted as well. When I think of living with my parents or mother-in-law, my stomach churns. I love my freedom, I love rearing my child as I see fit, without unwanted opinions. It is a conundrum.