Is not the best title for this post. I am not depressed nor stagnant. It's weird, my life. I sink into bed exhausted every night. I feel like I've accomplished something. Upon reflection I realize it's busy-work, small things to pass the time, my days are being wasted on trivial things like cleaning my house, cooking dinner, scheduling appointments, keeping track of bills, our money, and watering the plants.
It's troublesome for me to try and put these thoughts in writing, except that I feel very strongly about them. I will try, but the meaning/root/what of I'm trying to convey may be lost to my poor skills of self expression.
What I'm trying to say, is a common argument in any womens studies course or to anyone talking of equality of the sexes..something about the importance of (I cannot find a word) someone to mind the children and keep house and someone working. While these roles are varied between sexes, relationships, family structures-the most common is woman as a nurturer and caregiver while the man is provider. Are these roles equal?!
-Yes-
Fock no!! The home caregiver has the shit end of the stick for a while. There are small rewards, like when baby starts smiling, crawling, speaking, walking...but to be so selfless. To be necessary. To be needed. To be fockkin busy. To have no self time. You're whole life is now devoted to another entity. You're someones bitch and you chose that role. --You could neglect everything else and devote life entirely to baby..but that becomes hard when the crawling begins and now everything goes in the mouth..so if it's on the ground it's fair game. The house has to be clean. So now theres that to do. But somehow you must also make time to feed yourself and keep yourself healthy, especially if your still breastfeeding, so you cook and exercise. And if you're really dedicated you also must cook for baby. Then there is the little everyday things, appointments, calling here and there because somebodies wallet is missing or you were overcharged for oil or any trivial grievance that is no longer trivial because you have to be aware of money. How much you have, how much is coming in, how much you can save so your child won't be bogged down with loans, for the future, for any unforeseen circumstance.
If lucky, you have an understanding
partner (notice the word.) An equal, someone you can share the burden with. Someone who takes over when you're just about to keel over. Someone who discerns your role as equal but also as equally demanding or even more exacting than a days paid work.
The ideal, to me at least, was common at a different time, and more so in other countries. What I'm talking about is simple. "It takes a village to raise a child" is the proverb, but more directly I believe in whole families raising children. Grandparents stay at home with the kids. Both parents work. Everyone has a logical place. The children learn respect, manners, and dutifulness from the elders. They are needed to do things that the elders aren't spry enough to do anymore. I don't know about you, but to my knowledge even when a grandparent/elderly person isn't up and about (some are still kickin' for awhile) they love to sit in that one comfy place and give direction..or boss people about..as they should! They've lived a whole life and raised their children to adulthood.
This, in my opinion, would solve many issues that have arisen in the past few decades. Practically, think of the cost for nursing home/hospice/assisted living. Add to that the cost of childcare. Most importantly, think of what our children are missing! The wealth of knowledge wasted!
Ah, but in this I am conflicted as well. When I think of living with my parents or mother-in-law, my stomach churns. I love my freedom, I love rearing my child as I see fit, without unwanted opinions. It is a conundrum.
